Indecisive as Fuck

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I am extremely indecisive. I cringe at the thought of commitment. It’s really dumb. I’m a certified fickle-OCD hybrid. I obsess over things like a motherfucker then i’m like – next! Never to look back again.

That’s one main reason this blog is special to me. Because 4 years later, i’m still passionate about it! I can ignore and forget about it when I want but it’s always here. It’s a reminder of how much I live in my head and am my own worst enemy. That if I would just shut the fuck up and actually do something, i’ll impress myself.

I am doing the best I can to acknowledge my ego and check it when necessary. But I am extremely sure, extremely secure and it feels GREAT.  I’ve never lived my life so intentionally and on purpose. So I said all of that to say this:

When choosing my college major, I realized entrepreneurship was the only option. Well, my soul knew. My mind, per usual, had it’s own trial & error laden agenda. Tis life, right? Live and learn, don’t know what you’ve got til it’s gone. That includes your freedom, individuality, good credit and time.

However, I digress. Again.

So, when choosing this major – I couldn’t. I had a mental list with 14,732 bullet points on each side of why I should and shouldn’t commit to this or that major. When I applied, I got accepted into the Social Work program. Why? Because I wanted to work with juvenile delinquents. So I thought. Deep down inside my heart of hearts, I wanted to be a radio personality or news reporter. I really wish I would have pursued communications. I would have an excellent career in media. There’s still time. But back to the story.

I ended up changing my major to marketing. Why? Because I wanted to make money. I had no fucking clue what marketing was. Nothing. In hindsight – this would have been a great career path. I didn’t have the confidence and skill though, and when I saw calculus on my curriculum I knew right away to change that shit up if I wanted to actually graduate. I did take a business class that I may not have otherwise and learned a very pertinent lesson (P.L.O.C.) that has molded me into the manager I am today.

I changed my major to Political Science… well let me back track. I couldn’t change my major right away but I started taking classes geared towards Political Science. I can’t remember how, when, or where – but I entertained the idea of pursuing Public Relations. My coursework was so entrenched in other disciplines though; it didn’t quite make sense. I remember using their labs with the fancy ass Mac computers. Hated them.

So I ended up changing my major to Liberal Studies with a concentration in African-American studies. Big fucking whoop. This is all great and all, but MY GOD. I needed a degree in SCIENCE. NOT ARTS. UGH.

In hindsight – this allowed me to graduate with high honors (magna cum laude) because I was 100% invested and interested in the work. I just smoke way too much weed to try and be a teacher or something. I just rather not have to worry about those kinds of things coming back to bite me in the asshole.

All of this experience is wonderful in my pursuit of entrepreneurship – now. I get it. I needed to experience all of those things. I needed to learn how to channel my indecisiveness and make it work for me. Still a work in progress but it’s working out.

I ended up getting a Master’s degree in Public Administration – another long ass drawn out story of regret. But, graduated with a 4.0 GPA and learned a lot nonetheless.

I may be indecisive, but I am loyal and thorough sometimes to a fault. My mother always say’s “where there is a will, there is a way.” I’ve been making a way. Preparing for my opportunity. That’s if i’m not blocking it or missed it already (yikes!)

The impetus behind this post was me remembering how I would convince myself that “this major” was great because of “that.” For example, “majoring in business is great because everything is a business!” .. “majoring in political science is great because law and order rule the world!” .. “public relations is great because everything has to be advertised!” ..  and so on. I did that with every major (lol).

I realize now that it means i’m multi-faceted. Multi-discipline is mandatory. I can never just do one thing. Being a serial entrepreneur is the only thing that makes sense. I want to plan, lead, organize and control 100 different companies in 1,000 different industries.

I’ll be pursuing a certification in Project Management soon. Can’t stop. Won’t stop.

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The Entrepreneurial Network (of Like Minds)

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So, I have this vision of creating a directory of entrepreneurs. That simple.

Everybody has needs, everybody has skills. Why not be the connection? I have a shit ton of talented friends. Some have work experience only, some have advanced degrees; others, like myself, have all that plus a mind full of ideas! Together we make up an enterprise. It doesn’t make sense that we are all under paid, under appreciated, and most of all under developed because of the lack of opportunity.

John Henrik Clarke first sparked this idea. He says Black people should be more self sufficient and provide what we need for each other. Start simple, we all need socks and drawers. Then go on from there.

Everyone has a respective skill set; just need somewhere to apply it. This seems so simple, but it must not be because i’m not familiar with anything of the sort. I could just be overlooking the fact that every business started as an entrepreneurial endeavor among friends. One example I can think of is a record label. You have a team of folks who all have a role in the end result. You have the engineers, the producers, the artists, the graphic designer, etc…

I want to create this network but I need more like minds. Who will be our target audience? What separates us from those that already exist in our place?

This idea solidified when I was a member of a message board forum “SGGDC” which stood for “Strictly Go-Go DC.” The site was built and maintained by members and hundreds of familiar people would visit this site on a daily basis; it was our twitter before twitter. In fact, twitter is what sent SGG packing.

The members slowly but surely left the board for their timeline. We discussed everything from “smash or pass” to deep philosophical debates about The New World Order. Music careers were supported and launched from this community forum.

If your dreams do not scare you, they are not big enough.’