I May be a Little Prejudice…

But I wouldn’t consider myself “racist.” I mean, I could be wrong depending on your rubric and personal beliefs. I know the white people who I encounter on a daily basis and send me friend requests on Facebook are a little taken aback by my approach to candidly speaking about race(ism). GOOD! The fuck is the point otherwise?

My niggas know what’s going on. I’m your nigga so i’m gonna let you know whatta gwaan, seen?! Can you tell i’m learning from my Brown comedian friends (hi Hari) to not slow and dumb things down for those outside of the culture?

So anyways, I found something I wrote in my drafts in google. Where I stumbled across some old conversations i’ve had with my significant other and.. OK, let me not digress. So I found this thing titled “unpopular opinion alert” and it’s actually something I think my white counterparts may be completely surprised by. Because, you know, i’m racist in their eyes lol. And all black people want is payback and to retaliate for what Lily and them did back in the day. Uuuh, a lot of us have coped with that and actually just want to exist on our own terms.

Be advised that I love and hate all things equally. White, black, male, female, gay, trans, on the fence – I fucking love to hate all of you who fall under the label “ignorant and/or insensitive.” I know, I know… “but you’re so insensitive.” Deal with it. I have a chip on my shoulder from being such a naive youngin’ and i’ve just accepted that.

*Unpopular Opinion Alert*

I usually take these kind of posts to the blog. I’ve actually written about it before. I don’t want anybody to take what i’m saying personal. But when inspired, I write using “The Freestyle Approach” (also written about on my blog).

I wonder how these egregiously Pro Black folk really think they will ever make America/Africa theirs. How rude. And that they are the sole original contributors to the planet. I wonder if they believe in their feeble minds that once they “defeat whitey” (whatever that even means lol) that things will just “fall in line.” The balance of the Universe will restore. Shitting me.

All I had to do to un-Hotep and humble myself was study the Indigenous People of the land. Google Pine Ridge Reservations. They “defeated” whitey with treaties right? (That’s me being sarcastic). And look what happened.

Image result for pine ridge

Just saying. I read Guns, Germs and Steel by Jared Diamond. Not saying I know every got damn thing from reading a book (i’ve read 100s btw) But what i’m asking is – have you done your googles? And beyond that – Have you been to the bookstore lately? People who take the time to be intelligent write books and peer reviewed journal entries. Read some of those alongside the conspiracy theories!

The Information Age has got ignorant folks entering territories they have no business in. Hey – maybe i’m one of them? And don’t get me wrong “the dull and ignorant have their stories too” – but this isn’t the dull and ignorant hour.

OH! Shoutout to the like, 5 white people who haven’t unfriended me. Yall know my heart.


White Lies: My Urban Dilemma pt. 2

Imagine.. everything you’ve been taught has been censored. Particular parts ommited. Specifically information fundamental to your existence. Misplacing you in society, intentionally.

How, then, do you compete with those who have been taught everything you have, and then some? Especially misinformation about your existence? Perpetuating your place in society, intentionally?

How would learning about the redaction later affect what you already know? Would it cause some kind of dissonance,  internally? Would it justify your position in society or infuriate you?

Would those with the more accurate and abundant  information and resources feel threatened, less able to compete? Or would they bask in the comfort of being 10 steps ahead?

These are the thoughts that shape My Urban Dilemma.

Long Story Longer


So long story longer, my boss and I got into it the other day. He yelled at me and I yelled the f*ck back, instinctively. Sorry not sorry. I did this in front of a good number of people, in particular this old ass white man who was in his office. He’s 70 something, no lie. He walks slow as shit and looks like he wears depends. And typically he’s cool. He speaks and isn’t as rude as the other 70 something year old guy who works here and definitely has racist teeth and other racist bones in his body.

Listen, I get it. I’m very well versed in the history of this country. I’m well aware of the actual politics of who gets what, when, where and how. And who doesn’t. These old white guys are on one side of the spectrum; my young(er), black, pro-black, dyke-ass is smooth across the other.

So, my boss and I ended up speaking one-on-one and smoothing things over. I explained to him that my “attitude” (go figure) stems from frustration. I am deeply entrenched in my work (in my mind, I work for myself so I go extra hard) and in all actuality, I take my work a little more seriously than others. Because of this i’ve become sort of like an enemy. Whatever, I could care less how any reject feels about me.

My boss (petty wap) expressed to me how the old white guy said I was disrespectful to the owner of the company and that’s unacceptable. He said “his words, not mine.” LOL!!! And ever since, the old bag doesn’t speak to me anymore.

Mind you, we used to have full conversations. Spoke every day. Now, he acts as if I don’t exist. (I’m an introvert, so it bothers me none. This post wouldn’t exist otherwise! See how my life is set up?!)

Did he ever hold the notion that my boss was in the wrong, that he was disrespectful by yelling at me simply because of his “authority” .. ?

Idk. But I say all this to say:

A) I know I know.. but understand not all white people are the same. Not all white men in positions and powers and authority are complete dicks, and sometimes you have to challenge them in order to come to a common ground; a genuine mutual respect.

B) Standing up for yourself as a black woman proves problematic over and over and over again. I was told I had an attitude 100 times, that I was close minded, that I took my job too seriously. That I need to sugar coat things.

This. Is. Fucked. Up.

But I recognize it and I don’t take it personal, I take it as knowledge and experience. I understand this dynamic and I maneuver accordingly.

Protecting my magic one tone at a time. Hmph.

There is No Such Thing as Coincidence: Trump, Clinton, Ali, Historical Lies, New Jim Crow, Pulse Nightclub.


A recurring sentiment concerning the complexity of universal interconnectedness simply states that … there is no such thing as coincidence. At least that’s what my memory recollects at the moment.

With me recently:

  • Completing Lies My Teacher Told Me (i’ve had the book since I was 12 years old)
  • Currently reading The New Jim Crow (Finally! I purchased this book before I purchased this domain name!)


  • Hillary Clinton and Donald Trump being the presidential candidate nominees and
  • Muhammad Ali passing, and the
  • Pulse nightclub mass shooting on Latin Gay/Pride night by an alleged “Islamic Radicalist

I’m not convinced any of this shit happening at the same time is just a coincidence.

Why not? Because the way our government maintains control of it’s un/informed populace is largely by manufacturing ignorance/consent through mainstream mass media manipulation. If I wasn’t reading these books at the time, it would be hard to make such a far fetched assumption. The assumption of both parties being two separate wings of the same bird. That ultimately both parties have the same destination, just a different set of directions.

That goal is perpetuating and perfecting the system of colorblind White Supremacy, an ideology belonging to a small group of imbeciles who make it so popular it continues to adapt and reign supreme over otherwise rational people til this day. The ideology stimulates fear of retaliation (and competition) against a well deserved group that powerless white people unfortunately belong to. White Supremacy also contributes to their ignorance by implementing a false sense of superiority and police protection, garnering  their support. This is why so many of our black, brown and poor white youth find themselves locked inside the jaws of our prison industrial complex.

  • Muhammad Ali is well known for being very black and very Muslim, which in turn made him a political figure. Ali made it clear his celebration of race and religion had nothing to do with politics, but everything to do with society and culture. But remember, the mass media manipulates both the consent and ignorance of the people. For this reason Muhammad was a polarizing figure and depending on your cultural and political affiliation, you either loved or hated him. His Muslim funeral was broadcast live for the entire world to see on Friday June 10, 20016. This shed a good, clean, positive light on Islam. Because it’s hard to say anything bad about Ali’s public image, he has been severely white washed for the sake of chiming down his unapologetically Black Muslim identity.
  • Donald Trump is well known for hurling insensitive and racist comments particularly against Muslim’s (they are all radical Islamic terrorists in his eyes) and Mexicans (they are all illegal in his eyes). His sentiment of “building a wall” to “keep them out” has garnered the support of ignoramuses. What will be interesting to see is, if Donald is in fact nominated and acts on his preconceived notions of racism, how his colorblind comrades will deal. That’s why he’s dismissed publicly. Not because his contemporaries don’t agree with him, but because he’s putting their true ulterior motives on front street. Trump is rallying the poor, ignorant and powerless whites intentionally. They don’t even know they’re being had! Just like a good number of ignorant, powerless black people will vote for Hillary! This is political science! It’s proven effective in American history over and over again!
  • Hillary Clinton is the wife of former President Bill Clinton who signed the infamous federal crime bill into law in 1994. She is known for popularizing the term “superpredator.” Their attitude influencing these actions is what led to the explosion of mass incarceration. President Clinton influenced tougher sentencing including mandatory minimum and “three strikes” laws alongside major prison renovation and development. The crime bill is the cornerstone of what’s wrong with our criminal injustice system and was fully supported by Hillary Rotten Clinton. This bill is responsible for the police and prosecutor having insurmountable discretion on how and whom to apply the law. When comparing husband and wife’s feelings toward social issues today, it’s obvious how all the things Bill got wrong politically, Hillary magically disagrees with today.

Is what happened with black and brown folks and The War on Drugs happening with Middle Eastern folks and The War on Terror? Is this why people of color involved in a mass shooting is automatically linked to Radical Islam? Why aren’t white people who conduct mass shootings labeled “terrorist?” Why are we taught that White Radicalism is a thing of the past? All so we’ll be reluctant in our fight against The War on Terror? Like Ali was against The Vietnam War? Are Trump and Clinton playing good cop, bad cop? You damn right they are.

If you have a decent grasp on accurate world history, it’s absolutely no coincidence we’re at this current crux in American politics and race relations. I’m anxious to see what America will be like in the next four to eight years. Hold on tight yall!


Code Switching


I didn’t become familiar with this term until after creating Th.Ur.Di. I’ve heard of it, but never gave it any thought. I follow NPR’s code switch twitter account, though I never heard the program or interacted with it’s handle.

When I transferred to the predominately Black District of Columbia Public School system, I got made fun of for “talking white.” My closest friend would always mock me because I said “oh my god” all the time (lol). What’s funny though, is this same friend has the T.I. syndrome where she goes out of her way to use “big words” and takes pride in “sounding smart.” Shit, i’m not mad. Fake it til you make it … I did.  I would purposely “urbanize” certain words and phrases to where now I don’t know how I sound to D.C. folks or MoCo folks. I don’t really care either. All I ever want to be is my authentic self.

But I honestly can say I code switch. I code switch like a motherfucker because of My Urban Dilemma. I code switch back and forth to the point where, I literally “talk ghetto” and “talk white” all in the same breath. To me, it’s like syncretism. It’s about the amalgamation of  two cultures that I absolutely exist in, simultaneously.

I’m still hesitant to say nigga around white people sometimes, mostly in the work setting. Otherwise though, it flies… freely. I call white people nigga all the time. Try it, it drives them crazy LOL!

That’s all. Keeping this one short and sweet.


Racists Have a Dog in the Fight, Radicals Don’t.


Ok so… I don’t particularly have issues expressing my disdain for certain demographics of white culture. (Let me be frank here, racist white people.) I can explain and direct my logical and emotional conclusions to the source.

These racist white people I speak of can’t do the same. Why not? Because it will ALWAYS route back to the same source. THEIR ignorant ass racism.

I’m deliberate with whom I communicate this subject because emotions fly at an all time high when speaking about my actual Black life as if it’s a fucking anecdotal story.

Racist white people don’t realize that what they deny so vehemently, that they have nothing to do with the racism of their ancestors, contradicts the foundation of their white position right here in America today on Sunday March 13th, 2016.

Let’s clear the ambiguity. I’m not asking us to like each other or to “fix” this shit, racist white folks. That’s important for you to understand. I’m asking for blatant honesty and ugly truths.

The Big Ass Mother Fucking Racist Elephant In Middle of the Got Damn Room is just that. We don’t have to get along, just out of each other’s way. And historically speaking, you have to make the first move! But I don’t think you want to.This is why The Donald is flourishing. His blatant honesty & ugly truths.


Imagine a radical Pro-Black candidate. Who spoke about the criminal injustice enterprise that Black Life has become the poster child for. Who exposes the systematic mass incarceration epidemic. The evil roots of capitalism. WE NEED THAT. Even to just push the envelope. To expose some alternative perspectives. To kick Overton’s Window out the fucking frame. So don’t knock Donald. Knock whoever is pandering our vote.


My Whole Point:
What you see when these racist white people support Trump is their subconscious mind needing, wanting and yearning for that very racism they deny to exist and thrive! To maintain their unearned positions! The World is Flat! Racist white people don’t want to compete because a lot of the time… they can’t! They have relied on their positions as white people solely and being white is becoming unpopular, even on a biological scale.

Marginalized people have been mastering the art of resilience since day one, not denial.We are patiently waiting, practicing and preparing for the day we have an actual dog in the fight… where my dogs at?!

Constant Compromise in the Golden Age of Black Creativity

Image result for you can get with this or you can get with that

Th.Ur.Di. is a testament to black youth having to constantly compromise. This is a result of being a victim of modern-day colonization. The inspiration for this came from firing up the N.W.A.P. podcast entitled “Was February the Best Black History Month Ever?”

Did or did they not change their name to Nerds With a Podcast as opposed to Negroes With a Podcast? If they did, I would both be understanding and both bothered. This entire post begs the question:

“Who/what/when/why/how does the phenomenon happen where a group of podcasters would change their identity from Negroes to Nerds?

Like, why is the Weeknd making so much popular mainstream music as opposed to all the molly popping music that I loved him for?

Image result for the weeknd

I feel like the identity of Negro is a thorn that belongs in “they” side. Nerds would be the compromise. And being a “black nerd” is a dilemma in itself. Again begging the question –but why?

This particular episode goes on to say how we are A) currently living in the golden era for black creatives… B) How black media is born of trauma…C) we’ve never been able to be ourselves or tell our own stories until now because D) technology has lowered the bar and “everybody is just running over that shit now.”

I don’t feel like i’m extroverted enough to  become as successful as I could be. I also don’t feel like i’ll kiss enough ass to excel in the capacity I envision. This also stems from not having access to capital for a myriad of reasons.

The Shark Daymond John appeared on the Breakfast Club this morning to promote his book “The Power of Broke: How Empty Pockets, a Tight Budget, and a Hunger for Success Can Become Your Greatest Competitive Advantage.”  I’m going to purchase and read this book because I feel like there are some gems in there. Daymond didn’t compromise. I wan’t to be inspired by his struggles.

Check out their podcast and comment below, let’s dialogue. Let’s build!

Matte Black Lives, “They” Don’t Want Us To Shine.

This blog has become a place where I can map my mental journey.

I didn’t realize how much of a unveiling exercise this was initially. The theory/concept was me coming to terms with myself as well as trying to teach others. I didn’t know enough, though. I had to put preaches into practice. Explore the world. Test beliefs etc.

What I was basically trying to say was; black people, people of color, minorities, etc. aren’t a monolith like we’ve been marketed as. Our lifestyle(s) have been commodified and certain demographics don’t quite understand that.

I was born in 1986. I feel like the world hit fast forward in the 90’s. My generation was caught up in the wild-world-wind.

60’s & Civil Rights
70’s & Economic Shifts
80’s & Drugs
90’s & Technology
00’s & War

2000-2016 is the culmination of it all, happening right now. Most of us have access to information and we’ve been turning it into intelligence.

Th.Ur.Di. was born months before the Trayvon Martin verdict. Take into consideration how society has changed since then.

Just Think: Trayvon Martin, Eric Garner, Michael Brown, Tamir Rice, Walter Scott, Sandra Bland, Freddie Gray .. you recognize these names. Click this link for again, just some of the police brutality victims you haven’t heard of. Ferguson, Baltimore, Hands Up Don’t Shoot, I Can’t Breathe, Black Lives Matter. Like – did all of these people, cities and sayings create themselves in a vacuum?

Matte Black Lives, they don’t want us to shine.
Black Lives Matter, I hear it all the time.”

Th.Ur.Di. was explaining how black youth are scapegoated by the dominant culture’s capitalistic, commercialized, corporate structure. The Black Lives Matter movement is a GLEAMING example of what I was expressing. We need a collective commitment to sink the flawed public policy and institutions fostering oppression.


We need constant encouragement and upliftment of ALL black lives, ALL the time. Gay black lives, straight black lives, rich black lives, poor black lives, etc.

Let’s get in formation.

Logic is from Montgomery County, too.

Today while listening to Logic‘s NPR Mic Check interview, Frannie touched on how the “hood” he claims is that of West Deer Park located in one of the richest counties in the country. A lot of critics elude to his representation of it being skewed. Now, any intelligent person knows that what goes on inside the homes of dysfunctional families often time contains itself there.

What Logic experienced may very well have been traumatic and unhealthy for his personal growth and development as a child. I haven’t listened to his project yet (since I started writing this, I have – update at the end), but I gather from word of mouth (and this interview) that his childhood wasn’t as clean cut as he himself may appear at first glance. He is in fact bi-racial, but can pass as white without much effort. I feel like Logic had to deal with some conflict and dilemma coming of age, particularly with “fitting in.”

Because I wasn’t familiar with the neighborhood, I decided to do a quick Google search to see what I was missing. The “hood” part of Montgomery County (MoCo) familiar to me was Briggs Chaney, more specifically Castle Blvd. Also, Pepper Tree Farms in Aspen Hill was always known to be a little rough. Aspen Hill is closer to Gaithersburg, Briggs Chaney is closer to Silver Spring. I’d never been, but i’d always hear stories about Lincoln Park, a ghetto ass neighborhood out in Rockville. In my mind I couldn’t fathom anything “hood” in Rockville and never took it seriously. In a nutshell, the “hoods” in MoCo are few and far between.

Langley Park is another not so great area in MoCo with a high immigration population. A lot of newcomers from Latin, African and Caribbean countries seem to put their feet on the ground here. Because of this, it’s one of the poorer and more dangerous places in MoCo. When I lived in the Langley Park Area (University Blvd & Piney Branch Rd) in the late 80’s early 90’s, it was still a good mix of black and white people, a few immigrants here and there. It has since completely transformed into “Little Mexico” – all the businesses in that area now cater to the Hispanic population. The existing infrastructures are all run down and most of the signage is old. Immigrants from Russia and European countries typically settle near Gaithersburg (and further up). Montgomery Village has a lot of Russian residents. One of them is my really good friend. (Hey Rozy!)

regional services center map

So I typed in “West Deer Park Public Housing Projects” and much to my satisfaction, a forum with a post titled “Rising Montgomery County Rap superstar has people actually believing Gaithersburg is just like Compton.” I read the whole damn thing (if you have any interest in this topic, you should too). I learned so much about MYSELF from this post.

A lot of sentiments Logic shared in this NPR interview I share, like being influenced by mainstream pop-culture as well as underground, fusing both into his own style. He catches a lot of slack for “not being original” and “sounding like a Kendrick Lamar, J. Cole imitator.” A good number of people believe his appearing white and rapping about “hood shit” is appealing to white kids from the suburbs who, for example, can stroll through West Deer Park rapping his music out loud, unscathed. He’s seen as more relatable than a Kendrick from Compton, and this is why the labels back him. I disagree, he is talented.

Logic Gets Disrespected By Vick One

I say all that to say, where we come from breeds very peculiar individuals. Fun fact, Maury Povich and Connie Chung are both from this area. West Deer Park’s crime rate, when compared to say Compton’s – doesn’t. Can’t.  Won’t ever. The conditions of poverty simply don’t exist in the same capacity. But if you compare West Deer Park to Chevy Chase or North Potomac, you can see the major differences between lifestyles of the working poor, the middle class and the extremely wealthy. We are all heavily influenced by the vast socioeconomic conditions that can virtually exist within a 2 mile radius.

I am more than grateful to have grown up in such a culturally diverse, socioeconomically stable area. As a child I couldn’t appreciate it because I was oblivious to it, I was just living. After residing in North Carolina for 4 years, travelling across (and outside of) the country, becoming more worldly overall, I realize Montgomery County is special. I plan on moving to Los Angeles like all real niggas do. But for now, there is no other place i’d rather be than Silver Spring, MD.

(Ok maybe Miami).

After Listening to Under Pressure

For one, I love the production on this album. It’s very sonically pleasing, not a bunch of trap beats or boom baps. The artwork is classy. Now, while I can’t put my finger on a particularly original flow or “rap style” yet.. the boy can rap. He rides the beat if not better than, then as well as anybody worth mentioning. I don’t feel like he’s imitating Kendrick or Cole, personally. I feel like he’s using rap techniques soaked up over the years to tell his own personal story. I must give him his props, it doesn’t sound like he’s fabricating or exaggerating anything.

You can live in the most beautiful neighborhood and get little to no nourishment inside the home. You can also live in the most down trodden neighborhood but have the best resources at your disposal. We can’t choose the circumstances  we are born into.

While West Deer Park isn’t the most poverty stricken, impoverished “ghetto,” it surely has it’s pockets of criminal and drug activities and is not a super wealthy area. Again, do a quick google search and you’ll see the facts. Logic had to suffer from what any child anywhere shouldn’t have. He had drug addicted, absent parents, he lived in public housing, he also mentioned his mother taking medication for mental health reasons. He say’s on one track “these welfare checks wont bounce like like my daddy did.” He envisions a better future for himself and family. You can’t knock him for that. Everybody’s bottom isn’t identical. I’m from Montgomery County and didn’t experience anything even remotely close.

I will definitely be listening to this album over and over again. I’m glad I didn’t let the suckers stray me away from this. Folks like Vick One had me convinced he was trash and a fraud. He isn’t, in my opinion. I could be biased, but regardless.. i’m captivated. It makes perfect sense that Childish Gambino is on this album. I have a special love for Donald.

“Too black for the whites, too white for the blacks.”


My Issues w/ The “Pro Black” Community


These are just little notes and blurbs strung together. Bare with it. And i’m talking about the extreme black supremacist folks. I’ll probably (not) elaborate on my position further, later. But whatever, anyways:

In my opinion, the PBC is an ego trap. The “leaders” validate themselves by degrading other people of all races, nationalities, ethnicities, alternative lifestyles and so on. They are capitalist in their own right, attempting to capitalize off of the ancient past and ignorant future. Human societies must evolve in order to survive. Evolving DOES NOT mean assimilating. Nobody, and certainly not black people, OWN the planet. But let them tell it …

I feel like their target audience is people in search of an identity, or new paradigm.  Like those leaving the church. Those folks are influenced to replace the religious paradigm with an Afrocentric one, which isn’t necessarily beneficial or relevant to them, personally. The “good life” is subjective .. there’s no uniform right way to live.

We are Africans in America; ok fine. But then let’s grapple with the scientific evidence that ALL HUMAN FORMS originated in Africa. Lose the “black” thing. Be a universal human seeking justice for all. And mean it.

I’d bet a  number of these so called black leaders come straight from the gutter and or broken homes. No disrespect, but it’s evident that shame and guilt has shaped them into angry people who want to “do onto others what has been done to them.” They are cult leaders wanting you to subscribe to THEIR notion of reality and progress.

And then they have the nerve and audacity to bash the LGBTQ community.

Who holds the authority on disgust? On human sexuality? Sexual orientation and preferences. Huh? Prototypes are subjective. Fuck your opinion of what a “black man” or “black woman” is “supposed” to look like, walk like, talk like, dress like, have sex with. SAYS WHO?!

It’s bullshit. They are hustling. Hustling hate, hustling anger, hustling negativity. They aren’t healing anybody but themselves and their pockets. What each and everyone of us individuals do, make up the human race. Besides committing genocide and harming others, what’s right and what’s wrong?

If you listen close enough, you’ll hear them contradict themselves severely when it comes to male-female relationships (particularly the male leaders).  Just be mindful of their got damn books, “services” and pipe dreams up for sale.  Just check it all out after reading this.

If they aren’t organizing a Pan-African Body Politic inclusive of ALL Black/African/Indigenous peoples, exactly what are they doing? 

I was obviously mad as hell when I was writing these notes down, because the rest don’t even make sense.. lol. I call that experiencing an extreme emotion .. I’m learning to control those! I read this book recently and it speaks volumes to my position.


This video .. Just let me know if he makes sense to you, from beginning through end. Mind you, I found this particular “leader” and video after my initial posting of this perspective.

Thanks for reading!