shhhh

So long story longer, my boss and I got into it the other day. He yelled at me and I yelled the f*ck back, instinctively. Sorry not sorry. I did this in front of a good number of people, in particular this old ass white man who was in his office. He’s 70 something, no lie. He walks slow as shit and looks like he wears depends. And typically he’s cool. He speaks and isn’t as rude as the other 70 something year old guy who works here and definitely has racist teeth and other racist bones in his body.

Listen, I get it. I’m very well versed in the history of this country. I’m well aware of the actual politics of who gets what, when, where and how. And who doesn’t. These old white guys are on one side of the spectrum; my young(er), black, pro-black, dyke-ass is smooth across the other.

So, my boss and I ended up speaking one-on-one and smoothing things over. I explained to him that my “attitude” (go figure) stems from frustration. I am deeply entrenched in my work (in my mind, I work for myself so I go extra hard) and in all actuality, I take my work a little more seriously than others. Because of this i’ve become sort of like an enemy. Whatever, I could care less how any reject feels about me.

My boss (petty wap) expressed to me how the old white guy said I was disrespectful to the owner of the company and that’s unacceptable. He said “his words, not mine.” LOL!!! And ever since, the old bag doesn’t speak to me anymore.

Mind you, we used to have full conversations. Spoke every day. Now, he acts as if I don’t exist. (I’m an introvert, so it bothers me none. This post wouldn’t exist otherwise! See how my life is set up?!)

Did he ever hold the notion that my boss was in the wrong, that he was disrespectful by yelling at me simply because of his “authority” .. ?

Idk. But I say all this to say:

A) I know I know.. but understand not all white people are the same. Not all white men in positions and powers and authority are complete dicks, and sometimes you have to challenge them in order to come to a common ground; a genuine mutual respect.

B) Standing up for yourself as a black woman proves problematic over and over and over again. I was told I had an attitude 100 times, that I was close minded, that I took my job too seriously. That I need to sugar coat things.

This. Is. Fucked. Up.

But I recognize it and I don’t take it personal, I take it as knowledge and experience. I understand this dynamic and I maneuver accordingly.

Protecting my magic one tone at a time. Hmph.

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